Bits & Pieces

Ah, Thailand. 

Recently, I have been thinking more and more about my long-awaited return to Thailand. Actually, it would be more accurate to say I have been contemplating the reason behind my excitement. 

I am nervous, not apprehensive. I am curious, thrilled, and eager to return because of the limitations that will be imposed on us. But because I have come to rejoice in my limitations does not mean I want life to be rid of free will, options, painstakingly consciously made decisions. It also isn’t what the Bible teaches.

When I am limited, it as an opportunity to hone myself; it is an opportunity for me to refine certain areas that need to be sharpened. When training, athletes do not intake all of their favorite dishes, rationalizing with themselves that they will simply train harder the next day to “make up” for their current indulgence. They place limitations - many times frustrating and painful - upon themselves in order to narrow the widened path freedom paves. They cut out the excess food, activities, items, relationships, leisure in order to create a disciplined path to their goal. It is not meant to be easy, this business of achieving goals. Sure, even on the narrow path, people sometimes falter. But it is certainly more difficult to wander when the path is narrow. 

Jesus limited himself. God came as man. Even as man, He came as the son of a carpenter, not a wealthy official. He came when stinky-stanky animals were primary methods of transportation, not in 2012 where sleek convertibles roar like hippos giving birth (I actually don’t know what that sounds like). He came to preach to thousands on top of a hill, rather than on top of a stage with a podium fully equipped with a teleprompter and a mic. He fully suffered and died on the cross. All of this for us. 

I will admit I usually meet limitations with a frustrated sigh, complaint, hair-ripping, and sometimes a lamenting monologue with an audience of one hippo. But when I think back to times when I was limited, especially in Thailand, I realize that my joy came from personally experiencing and witnessing God being glorified in our shortcomings. With unlimited choices (and you will see how I struggle with this especially when trying to decide on what to eat) we face uncertainties, ambivalence, and most likely frustration. We say we want total freedom, but if we had it, we would never be happy. We are greedy beings. We, too frequently, forget that the world cannot ever satisfy the incompleteness of our hearts. But Christ tells us: enter by the narrow gate. 

Once I find limitations placed on me, I honestly don’t know how I will react. But I pray that I will be able to rejoice and serve humbly. Instead of grumbling, I will be laughing. Instead of pounding the ground, I will be dancing. Instead of cursing, I will be worshipping. I do not want such a transformation in my heart to occur simply because I am team umma, or because I will be in a foreign country. Having a personal relationship with God does not mean having the relationship depend on people or circumstances. It is between you and God.

So take the narrow path. The “freedom” of the wider path is not worth losing your soul. Find yourself happily bounded (yes, this is correct) by the gospel.

Toodles.

My sister… 

liked the smell of my mom’s Dolce & Gabbana perfume. 

So she decided to spray it on…

And used up enough to spread the scent throughout the entire house. 

Used up a significant amount, that the different was entirely noticeable when my mom saw the bottle.

I fear what will become of her when she enters her teens. 

But I love my divalicious girl, in and out of scent.

I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I often think about the cherished moment to come when I’m nervously rushing across the stage to grab my diploma and degree and bolt. Yes, I would actually cherish that moment, despite the adrenaline rush making my nose sweat, because it would be the “end” of all things. I laugh.

I still have two years to go before I graduate. Although senior year is just around the corner (September, to be exact), I am blessed with one more year guarded from the “real world” because of my combined degree program. Freshman year only feels like yesterday, but these next two years are going to evaporate faster than rain puddles in Arizona.

Generally, people tell me I still have “plenty” of time left in college. But soon (too quickly, I sometimes fear), those two years will only exist only as fond memories (and as ridiculous pictures on facebook) and I will already be walking across the stage in my second graduation gown. So here’s what I’ve learned:

My degrees certainly do not define me. My worth comes from my Creator. Only my Maker can determine my worth, and the last time I checked, He thinks I’m worth it. But that’s not to say my degrees will be useless. Rather, I should recognize how blessed I am to have them, and use them as tools to further God’s purposes. I am to see them as a means, not an end. The end of the college is not the end. My degrees will only hold value as long as I learn how to wisely apply them effectively and advance His kingdom. 

We have been blessed with our individual creative talents so we can creatively serve Him. Yet, many of us (including myself) are so concerned with simply making it to the stage, the end of four years. But the post-graduation months will be arduous. Expectations will be shattered. Humility will be our new best friend. But if we live and work with the perspective of continuing beyond all of *this* for God’s eternal kingdom, the learning will never end. Our worth will be unquestionable because we will find ourselves with Christ at the center. We are worth more than our degrees.

TMT’10, i just realized…. we’re like…

The Who..! 

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

excuse me, I’m crazy.

but can’t you see how this analogy works? can’t ya?!

miss y’all.

Ting Ting Huang. 

She is my roommate. 

She burps unashamedly in public. 

She falls face-flat on the street, sidewalk, grass, and in class. 

She walks into phone booths, telephone poles, walls, and glass doors. 

She chews on mushrooms with her mouth open to gross me out, and cackles.

In the library, Ting Ting illegally brings in food and eats it. But so does everyone. 

Except, this is Ting Ting.

She doesn’t try to hide. 

Nor does she try to be quiet. 

She slurps, burps, and if she could, she would chirp.

Ting Ting is also wearing a childish mask from Korea… made for kids.

Whatever happened to “I’m only going to wear it at home, and not in public.” 

It never happened, that’s what. 

Nevertheless, Ting Ting is my roommate. 

We have an interesting relationship.

We both know we love each other, but only one of us shows it. 

Obviously, it is not I. 

Ting Ting is graduating from college in less than a month.

I shall not miss her moments of second-hand embarrassment. 

Sitting bores me. Annoys me. My legs become restless and I start looking for things to do. 

Thus, to rid myself of laziness and a couple calories, I have customized my desk into a standing desk.

I heard the first three days are painful. My feet will probably hate me. But that’s okay. I can endure three days. I want to see if this changes my general lifestyle. It’s a small step, but a step nonetheless. We all have to start somewhere. Technically, I’m a little ahead of the game because I like to eat standing up. He.He.

that ridiculous moment when you find your old xanga site…

and you laugh at your ridiculous past-self…

and then you face-palm yourself because you’re embarrassed, even with no one watching/reading…

definitely glad that old-me turned into an actual “old” me (since 21 isn’t really old).

there should be a xanga revival:
we shall bear our entries and learn to laugh at ourselves, and accept others.